Fair warning. This particular post will not be quality writing. I can barely remember what I ate for breakfast today let alone what happened in June, July, and August.
Seeing that it is now October, I’m writing a post for posterity (or in truth, just future me so I don’t have a gaping hole in my writing without a record and then that becomes a regret).
The update of the last 5 months can really just be summed up in one word: Life.
I started this “N”deavour to keep me accountable to working through missed opportunities before they turn into regret and I find myself an acrimonious octogenarian reminiscing about what could’ve been.
But when one reminisces, it’s easy to forget the reasons why opportunities are missed. And more importantly to be real with yourself about the why it didn’t happen and the true bandwidth you have.
For one, life’s priorities shift and change. As easy as it is to buy into the pedagogy of pursuing your passion and living life for happiness, there are real things that take priority.
And I like to think of myself as a realist. Albeit, a realist who will cheer you on.
So how did I fare in pursuing my “n”deavours? I’d give myself a solid A, despite not succeeding in anything I wanted to get through.
Why do I give myself this grade?
For one, there is work. A full time job where I work 10-11 hours and commute for a total of 90 minutes a day. To pay for the bills, the mortgage (in this excessively expensive city!), and do other adult life things.
And of course, myself. I talk about missed opportunities as if something was holding me back. And as salty as this post is coming off, nothing has ever held me back from pursuing opportunities except myself. And this comes in different forms.
- It comes as me prioritizing work and wanting to make sure I support my team and my future ambitions (these blogs aren’t paying the bills!).
- It comes as me prioritizing my family and wanting to make sure they have all the opportunities in the world.
- It comes as me prioritizing sleep and mental health. I don’t function well without sleep. I don’t function well in the heat (real talk: I dislike the sun and any temperature above 20C). I don’t function well when I feel like my house is a mess or that I’m neglecting someone in my life. I don’t function well when I feel like I’m on the verge of burnout.
And the last 5 months, I was Burnt. Out.
The last 5 months have been a bit of survival and a bit of rebalancing. Things were off-kilter. I felt off-kilter.
(And I still do but I’m working through that).
So I put in the bare minimum to run. A long run, maybe a couple runs during the week. Gave up on learning Japanese. Putting blogging and Instagramming (and especially vlogging) on hiatus.
And I rallied and relied on my supports. A lot. Physio, massage. Family to babysit. Youtube to watch mindless videos. Frozen burgers and hors d’oeuvres and a lot of takeout for dinner.
I preserved myself. I am still preserving myself until I have the bandwidth to refigure things out.
And so while I give myself an A, I’m not doing so to be narcissistic or arrogant. It’s just the grade I’d give to everyone else facing the same situation.
Do what you have to do. The great thing about priorities is that they will shift depending on what is most important to you. And if you can’t juggle all the priorities, that’s OK too. Preserve yourself until you can. Do what you need to do.
And remember, you’re amazing and awesome and doing a great job!
N